Did you ever think that Sex is the only thing that you and your partner have together that no one else can participate in?
Really. It is!
Everything we do in a day (lunch, work, banking, driving, museums, homework, cooking, cleaning, learning, studying, etc) can be done with anyone. Of course, we are discouraged from spending too much time with the opposite sex and I totally agree with this. But, if we really think about it, sex is the only thing in a marriage that is commanded to only be between husband and wife. We can build working relationships, friendships, groups and partnerships with many people in our life and they can come and go quickly or remain in our lives for long periods of time.
The only thing we have as a couple that no one else can intrude on is our romantic life, our bedroom hours, our sex life and our love making. That's it.
So, my point in this post is that, if that time is not a wonderful experience, we are losing out on a very large portion of our marriage relationship.
I can pay bills with anyone. I can talk on the phone with anyone. I can shop with anyone. I can spend time with anyone. I can occupy my time in millions of ways with anyone.
But, I can only have sex with one person. I can only snuggle up in bed late at night and smell one person next to me. I can only whisper soft love thoughts into one person's ear.
If I am not doing this....and doing this well.....I am missing out on fabulous moments and so is my spouse.
We all need these moments of fabulousness. We all need to feel love. We all need to feel loved by someone. We all need to be made to feel desirable and lovable. If these needs are not met in our own bedroom, they will eventually get met somewhere else. It may not be a bedroom elsewhere but it will be met in another way and through other people.
It is so very easy to take each other for granted. It is so very easy to get busy with all the necessities of life. We have lots to do. We have lots of good things to do. We have been counseled to focus on the BEST things in life and not worry so much about the good things and the better things.
Well, I propose that our sex life, our marital love life, our romance with our spouse is the very BEST thing we could possibly spend time on! A fantastic sex life will rub off on all ends of your marriage.
We have all seen the tender, happy face of our husband come out of the bedroom after an especially good night together. It almost doesn't matter what meets us later in the day or what we have to deal with, thoughts of those moments together will creep into our head throughout the day and remind us how great our relationship is and it won't matter so much that one of the kids isn't passing math or dinner isn't ready right on time.
Don't ever forget that your sex life with your partner is an investment of your time, energy, creativity, tenderness and it is worth any job that might go undone or any show that might go unwatched or any telephone conversation you might not have with someone else.
Put your spouse first, take care of him in the bedroom and you will be amazed at how fantastic your marriage can be.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Feeling Like Love Is Lost? NEVER!
Being raised in a Mormon family is a very great way to grow up. Almost all the time. Values, morals, good families, fun activities, togetherness, the gospel. It's all good. Almost all the time.
If there is one thing lacking in the upbringing of our Mormon young people, it is access to people who are willing and able to talk about sex, romance, making love, intimacy and any and all related topics.
Marriage is a big deal in our culture. But we focus on the "getting married" part, the being a good mother and father part, the raising a family part, the fulfilling your church calling part, the serve others part and the be virtuous part. We never, ever talk about how to be a good wife.....at least not as it pertains to being a partner to our man in the bedroom. Never!
We wake up on our wedding day, have our party, leave for our first night together and look at each other and thing......now what? Help! I have absolutely no idea what I am doing! That's it. That is how it all begins. Of course, we ride the wave of excitement and hide behind hormones, novelty and the newness of it all for a while. Maybe some of us are lucky enough to hide behind these things for several months or even a year. But, for many, sex starts out as the same "bad" thing it has always been in our minds.
Mom and Dad always said "don't do it". Teachers said "don't do it". Leaders said "don't do it". Then we got married and everyone said.....Ok, now DO IT!!! They even said, "It will be so beautiful!"
NOT!!
My husband likes to call that first night, Amateur Night In The Dark. Two newbies fiddling around for what to do, where to put things, how to get it all to work right and all the while thinking (especially the new bride) that they are participating in a "bad thing".
This scenario does not lend itself to the greatest experience.
But, forecast into the future a bit. To a time closer to where we all find ourselves right now. We muddled through the newness, had the babies, went to school, got jobs, bought houses, and life took over. Did we ever look back and revisit that most intimate of gifts we had been given? Nope, we quickly skirted the issue, used it to make our family and just assumed our marriage and our family would carry on perfectly fine because we were doing good things.
So, now we look up and find ourselves with marriages (hopefully still intact) lacking in intimacy, desire, cravings, lust and excitement. Many of us even think that wishing for those things goes directly against anything we should be wishing for in our marriage.
But, in this initial post, I propose to you that we are a people focused on family, we are a people focused on doing good to all men, we are a people focused on being the best we can be and yet we are allowing our marriages, the very foundation of all those good things, to be weak, limp and lifeless. We are allowing our spouses to feel taken for granted. We are allowing ourselves to settle for less than fantastic in our marriages and our kids can see this.
We teach our kids that marriage and family is the way to go. But, who wants to go down a path that is boring, uninteresting, humdrum and uneventful? Not me. Many of us got down that path before we knew what was happening.
In the pages that will be posted here, I hope you will find wonderful tips, helpful secrets and obvious surprises to add to your marriage, your friendship and your bedroom.
I declare for all to hear that:
SEX IS NOT A BAD THING. IT IS A GIFT. IT IS A GIFT THAT SHOULD BE RECEIVED WITH JOY AND EXCITEMENT. THERE IS A TIME FOR THIS GIFT TO BE USED AND A TIME FOR IT TO BE PUT OFF. BUT, IT IS NEVER A BAD THING. BY NATURE, SEX AND MARITAL INTIMACY IS A VERY, VERY GOOD THING. WHEN USED THE WAY IT WAS INTENDED (AND I DON'T MEAN ONLY FOR MAKING CHILDREN), IT WILL CREATE A FOUNDATION IN A MARRIAGE THAT WILL WITHSTAND ALL THAT LIFE CAN THROW AT A COUPLE. THOSE MOMENTS TOGETHER CAN BE AMAZING, EXCITEMENT AND EVERY BIT AS WONDERFUL AS THE MOVIES PORTRAY.
It takes work, creativity, honesty and open dialogue. That is the recipe. The reward is indescribable! You will both keep coming back for more and more and more. You can feel like teenagers again - wanting each other and loving that feeling! Come along and enjoy the ride!
If there is one thing lacking in the upbringing of our Mormon young people, it is access to people who are willing and able to talk about sex, romance, making love, intimacy and any and all related topics.
Marriage is a big deal in our culture. But we focus on the "getting married" part, the being a good mother and father part, the raising a family part, the fulfilling your church calling part, the serve others part and the be virtuous part. We never, ever talk about how to be a good wife.....at least not as it pertains to being a partner to our man in the bedroom. Never!
We wake up on our wedding day, have our party, leave for our first night together and look at each other and thing......now what? Help! I have absolutely no idea what I am doing! That's it. That is how it all begins. Of course, we ride the wave of excitement and hide behind hormones, novelty and the newness of it all for a while. Maybe some of us are lucky enough to hide behind these things for several months or even a year. But, for many, sex starts out as the same "bad" thing it has always been in our minds.
Mom and Dad always said "don't do it". Teachers said "don't do it". Leaders said "don't do it". Then we got married and everyone said.....Ok, now DO IT!!! They even said, "It will be so beautiful!"
NOT!!
My husband likes to call that first night, Amateur Night In The Dark. Two newbies fiddling around for what to do, where to put things, how to get it all to work right and all the while thinking (especially the new bride) that they are participating in a "bad thing".
This scenario does not lend itself to the greatest experience.
But, forecast into the future a bit. To a time closer to where we all find ourselves right now. We muddled through the newness, had the babies, went to school, got jobs, bought houses, and life took over. Did we ever look back and revisit that most intimate of gifts we had been given? Nope, we quickly skirted the issue, used it to make our family and just assumed our marriage and our family would carry on perfectly fine because we were doing good things.
So, now we look up and find ourselves with marriages (hopefully still intact) lacking in intimacy, desire, cravings, lust and excitement. Many of us even think that wishing for those things goes directly against anything we should be wishing for in our marriage.
But, in this initial post, I propose to you that we are a people focused on family, we are a people focused on doing good to all men, we are a people focused on being the best we can be and yet we are allowing our marriages, the very foundation of all those good things, to be weak, limp and lifeless. We are allowing our spouses to feel taken for granted. We are allowing ourselves to settle for less than fantastic in our marriages and our kids can see this.
We teach our kids that marriage and family is the way to go. But, who wants to go down a path that is boring, uninteresting, humdrum and uneventful? Not me. Many of us got down that path before we knew what was happening.
In the pages that will be posted here, I hope you will find wonderful tips, helpful secrets and obvious surprises to add to your marriage, your friendship and your bedroom.
I declare for all to hear that:
SEX IS NOT A BAD THING. IT IS A GIFT. IT IS A GIFT THAT SHOULD BE RECEIVED WITH JOY AND EXCITEMENT. THERE IS A TIME FOR THIS GIFT TO BE USED AND A TIME FOR IT TO BE PUT OFF. BUT, IT IS NEVER A BAD THING. BY NATURE, SEX AND MARITAL INTIMACY IS A VERY, VERY GOOD THING. WHEN USED THE WAY IT WAS INTENDED (AND I DON'T MEAN ONLY FOR MAKING CHILDREN), IT WILL CREATE A FOUNDATION IN A MARRIAGE THAT WILL WITHSTAND ALL THAT LIFE CAN THROW AT A COUPLE. THOSE MOMENTS TOGETHER CAN BE AMAZING, EXCITEMENT AND EVERY BIT AS WONDERFUL AS THE MOVIES PORTRAY.
It takes work, creativity, honesty and open dialogue. That is the recipe. The reward is indescribable! You will both keep coming back for more and more and more. You can feel like teenagers again - wanting each other and loving that feeling! Come along and enjoy the ride!
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